La Mariposa

Church

2007-06-18T14:52:00.000-04:00

If you don't go to my church, I'm not sure if you'll fine this funny:

Starbucks anyone?

No Child Left Behind

2007-04-05T10:05:00.000-04:00

I received this in an e-mail, so I don't know the original author. But, if you're in education (or really like sports), you might find it interesting.

No Child Left Behind: The Football Version

1. All teams must make the state playoffs and all MUST win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If, after two years, they have not won the championship, their footballs and equipment will be taken away until they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in football, lack of desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities from themselves or their parents.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time for the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 3rd, 8th, and 11th games. It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.

sick

2007-02-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

I've spent most of the past 36 hours sleeping. And coughing. And running a high fever. I feel better and have only a low fever at the moment. When I went to the doctor yesterday she asked if I had been around anyone that had been sick. I said, "I work at an elementary school." And she said, "Ah, that'll do it."
Hope I didn't get anyone sick at the Superbowl party.

All work and no play

2007-01-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

Work is getting a bit stressful again. I love working with the kids. It's everything else that weighs me down and takes up roughly half my work week. I'm being observed sometime this week/next week and again on Monday. I'm not worried about Monday's observation, but the other one makes me nervous. I have 10 IEP meetings between now and mid February. I have four kids to test in the next month. I have three new kids on my caseload. And the list goes on.

There's no way I can do all of that on my own. So I'm thankful that God is there to walk with me through it all.

And, on another happy note, Thomas is here :)

God is good

2007-01-21T22:45:00.000-05:00

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:8

One of these days I'll writen a real post

2006-12-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

In the meantime, this cracked me up when I first saw it:

One more day till winter break!

This is my problem at work

2006-12-06T20:25:00.000-05:00

"I also have a lot of infinity problems. Those are the ones where before you can solve a particular problem first you must solve some other problem, and so on to infinity. For example, before I drive someplace for the first time I might want to print out directions at the computer. But first I must change the ink cartridge on the computer. And before I can do that I must go to the store and buy that cartridge. And before I do that I must find the 20% off coupon so I don’t later have shopper’s remorse. And before I do that I have to clean up my office or there is no real hope in finding that coupon. Before long I’m shingling the roof and I no longer remember where I wanted to drive." - Scott Adams on the Dilbert Blog

Feels like winter

2006-12-05T20:53:00.000-05:00

Work is still continuing to keep me busy, but I love my kids. It's nice getting homemade pictures and hugs from kids as opposed to bite marks on my arm.

Winter break is almost here (12 more work days). Thomas will be visiting and I'm looking for a place for him to stay, since my sister's house will be over taken by my family and her inlaws. So if you know someone in the Atlanta metro area that wouldn't mind a very quiet house guest, let me know.
Also.....Thomas is planning on moving to Atlanta (yay!) and is in need of an entry level computer science type job. So prayer and any suggestions about job hunting would be appreciated (send your suggestions here).

Roomate situation is going well. We rarely see each other unless we happen to sit next to each other at church. But we have plans in the working to decorate the apartment and possibly have a holiday party (motivation to finsih unpacking).

Here's a couple of pictures from when I visited Dallas. Notice how Tran magically gets taller in the picture that includes Hannah.

Tara, me, Tran

Hannah, Tran, Tara, me

Geek football

2006-11-29T18:27:00.000-05:00

http://www.gocomics.com/foxtrot/2006/11/07/

Does anyone still read this?

2006-11-07T17:35:00.000-05:00

Hard to believe November is already here. In a couple of days I will be flying to New Orleans to be in a friend's wedding. I won't actually get to try on the bridesmaid dress until I get to New Orleans, so I'm praying it'll fit.

Then, a litle over a week after that, I'll be flying to Dallas for several days. I'm very much looking forward to that. In fact, I'm literally counting down the days (13.5) until I'll be there.

On a different note, I took Nate to the movies this weekend. When we got in my car I had a Bebo Norman cd playing. I turned it off so Nate and I could sing kids' songs (what he usually wants to do) but he said no, that he wanted to listen to the other music. So we listened to several songs off the Try cd. Nate was quiet until we got to track 9. I always skip over this song, though now I can't exactly remember why. But, as the music started, Nate said," This is my song, Laurie." I'm sure he's just repeating a phrase he heard, but its timing caught me off guard. Since then I've been listening to the song over and over.

Here's the lyrics:

How You Love Me- Bebo Norman
Hope came home,
Home to me today,
And fear has run the other way.
And words are weak;
They don't know how to say,
"You know I still believe in You."
And should my dreams fall through,
I will be safe with You.
So with every breath I can breath,
I'll sing about how You love me.
I'll sing about how You love me.

Why are there Christmas decorations next to Halloween displays?

2006-10-30T17:30:00.000-05:00

The boys at the pumpkin patch.

1 dead in the attic

2006-10-17T20:45:00.000-04:00

The other day, a co-worker saw my New Orleans bumper sticker and asked me if that's where I'm from. Apparently she's from New Orleans too. And taught at the preschool I attended.

Here's some pictures from last time I went back home:

A plantation that we visited.

The fish the next door neighbor caught...he was very proud!

At my Grandmother's house. Above her sink she taped a picture of my nephew laughing. Under the picture she wrote: You can do it!
On rough days she says she likes looking at the picture because it makes her smile and she remembers that God will help her get through the day.

While unpacking books at my new place, I came across a book my mom had given the last time I visited called 1 dead in the attic. It's a collection of comumns that Chris Rose wrote after Hurricane Katrina for the local paper, The Times Picayune. Here's some excerpts:

"You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard." (p5)

"Of course, try telling some poor sap down in St. Bernard Parish who has never heard of Southern Decadence and who goes to Bible study every Wednesday night that he lost his house and his job and his grandmother died in a flooded nursing home because God was angry at a bunch of bearded guys in dresses over on Dumaine Street.

Collateral damage, I guess. The question that arises, of course, is that if Shanks' prophecy is true, how come Plaquemines, St. Bernard, the East and Lakeview are gone, but the French Quarter is still standing?"(p34)

"He was from Atlanta and had moved here to be with her because she is a New Orleans girl and New Orleans girls never live anywhere else and even if they do, they always come back." (p67)

It's about time

2006-10-02T18:34:00.000-04:00

I've been silent on here for awhile mainly because free time is scarce.
Here's some updates:

1. My new job: I love my kids. I like my co-workers. My job would be much more manageable and enjoyable if all I had to do was speech therapy. Instead, I spend much of my time sitting in meetings and filling out paperwork.
For example this week(which is typical) Monday: IEP meeting 3-5 Tuesday: Staff meeting 2:45-4:00, Wednesday: IEP meeting 2:30-3:30, Thursday: New staff meeting 2:45-4:30, Friday: bus duty: till 3pm. Technically, I'm supposed to be able to leave work by 2:45pm. This has never happened.

2. I am moving this coming weekend (I found a roommate!). We were going to get some guys from our church to help us move. Except I realized yesterday all the guys from my church will be at the men's retreat.

3. I got my hair cut. It hasn't been cut in over a year, so I got quite a bit chopped off. Most people at work seemed to like it. I sent Thomas a picture and he told me that "it looked better than I thought it would".

4. I have been trying to improve my attitude (maybe I should take out my comments about work meetings) through prayer. I've been praying for the kids at work. I've been making lists of everything I'm thankful for. My attitude has actually changed a lot for the better, specifically in the morning. I actually wake up in a good mood and am happy to start my day.

This had been a long post and not terribly exciting. I am exhausted and brain dead. I'd love prayer:
1. Thanks for God's answer to prayer (finding a roommate, joyful mornings)
2. Less work/stress ( I asked my supervisor if I was slow and that's why I'm putting in 45-50 hour weeks. She told me no, I wasn't slow, but that I have a difficult school and a hard caseolad)
3. Moving -people to help
4. That I'd be a better friend.

Looking for a roommate

2006-08-18T15:57:00.000-04:00

I used to stay up past my bedtime to read by night light

2006-08-01T18:10:00.000-04:00

Check out Tran's blog
She didn't tag me, but I felt like doing it anyway.

1. One book that changed your life:
What's so Amazing About Grace by Phillip Yancey

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

3. One book you'd want on a desert island:
Survive on a Desert Island by Claire Llewellyn
I've actually never read the book, so if its poorly written and not very helpful, then I'd say the Bible or the complete works of Jane Austen

4. One book that made you laugh:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

5. One book that made you cry:
Hiroshima by John Hersey

6. One book that you wish had been written:
I'll steal someone else's answer.......How to Make Your House Clean Itself

7. One book that you wish had never been written:
Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
Yeah, its a literary classic and maybe I'd like it now, but I remember hating it in high school.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Just one? Contact by Carl Sagan

9. One book you've been meaning to read:
Foundation by Isaac Asimov

I think you're supposed to "tag" 5 people. How about Thomas, Kent, Tara, Carpenter, and Aaron.

Starting work tomorrow

2006-07-31T22:46:00.000-04:00

Anyone like money?

2006-07-18T20:50:00.000-04:00

I am trying to get smarter about how I use and save money and could use some help. I currently have a savings account at a credit union, but I would like to get an account somewhere where I will earn more interest. Also, I'm looking for advice about retirement planning (401k,etc.); its weird having to think about retirement when I've barely been working full time for a year. Anyway, I know very little about investing, and would appreciate advice from any of my friends who are older and/or wiser than me.

Thomas will be here in just a few days :) Work starts in a week and a half (scary!)

Funny story

2006-07-13T12:25:00.000-04:00

It's been a long week. Not much has gone as planned. So I think I'm going to not plan anything else for the next few days.

I was writing those first 2 sentences this morning when the power went out in my apartment. I waited a few minutes, thinking it might turn back on, but it didn't. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, so I I opened the fridge and then realized, "oh yeah, the power's off." I decided to talk to the leasing office to make sure they knew of the problem. I knew it was a bad sign when I walked in the leasing office and there were no lights on. Turns out the entire apartment complex is without electricity. So is the apartment complex nearby.

My sister had invited me over earlier, so I decided now was a good time to take her up on the offer. I was smiling the whole way to my sister's. First because my car works (ask me about my experience trying to get a new car battery yesterday, if you want another fun story). Second because as I finally decided to stop measuring the success of my wek based on how much I am able to cross off my to do list, I was once again reminded how little control I have over the details of life. And that its ok, because God's in control and he's usually better at running things than I am anyway.

For those who didn't get yeterday's "Jury Duty" reference:lyrics

Jury Duty

2006-07-12T08:53:00.000-04:00

I have a dead car battery. Again. Yesterday, when I went out to my car to go to my home health visit, I noticed I had left my car door partially open overnight. This meant the car light was on, which left the car not running. My sister came by and jump started my car. I turned the car light off so I wouldn't have that problem again. Or so I thought.

I had actually turned the car light from "door" to "on". I went out later to start my car and once again had trouble. This time I found a friendly neighbor to help so I was on my way to my rescheduled speech therapy schedule. Later I stopped at a couple of stores and my sisters and was able to start my car fine every time. So I thought nothing more if it.

This morning I had an 8:40 doctor's appointment. One that I've already had to reschedule due to my previous employer not turning in my health insurance information on time so I could get continuing coverage. I went out to my car, put the key in the ignition, turned it, and realized once again my car battery was dead.

So, I called the doctor and cancelled. The earliest appointment is 2 weeks from now. And it looks like I'll be going to get my car battery replaced today.

On a positive note, my apartment complex finally decided to do something about the damage in my apartemnt. They repaired some of it yesterday and are coming by today when I am home so I can show them the rest. And I'll definitely be home since my car won't start.

Nothing Clever Today

2006-07-11T09:09:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up early, today I woke up sad
It's funny how it hurts me, the love I've never had

But I can feel You breaking me through this mess
Yeah, I can see You through this loneliness

Show me that
Life shines with You
You show me that
Life shines with You
Break me through

I think that I can hear it
Is it a trumper or a train
And now I'm drawing near it
I think it's calling out my name

I got nothing to lose
I got nothing to prove in this mess
I got nothing to lose
But this emptiness

If I had a ladder
To reach up to the sky
I would climb up there forever
It would just be You and I

And I would feel You
Breaking me through this mess
Yeah, I would see You
Through my emptiness

Bebo Norman - "Break Me Through"

The fun never stops

2006-07-09T18:13:00.000-04:00

"Judgers know that if everyone would simply do what they're supposed to do (and when they're supposed to do it) the world would be a better place to live."-from a personality book I read

I've been having to deal a lot lately with people who are making my life more complicated due to their inability to do their job properly. One example: I discovered another water leak in my apartment last Friday, the day before I was planning on leaving to visit family. I had to call twice to get someone to come and stop the leak. I went in person the next day to make sure they would fix the big gaping hole in the ceiling and the water damage along the walls, though the maintenace guy said I didn't need to because he would put in the request for me. Anyway, the people in the leasing office assured me they'd fix everything. Right. There's still damage from when my apartment flooded in December.

Surprise, surprise, I returned from out of town to discover they only repaired the ceilings. So this is what my laundry room looks like a week later. Needless to say, I'm annoyed.

Anyway, I took a bunch of pictures of all the damage that still remains unrepaired. And Thomas helped me write a letter of complaint. So tomorrow, I'm going to march over to the leasing office and give them the pictures and the letter and make sure to complain (politely) very loudly.

At my grandmother's

2006-07-06T22:15:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update as I am using dial up. Thomas is coming to visit me in Atlanta in a couple of weeks. I'm very happy :)

I think I'm indecisive.......I haven't decided yet

2006-06-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

Recently I've been regretting my decision to stay in Atlanta for at least another year. It may have been the smarter and "better" decision to stay, but my heart wishes I was in Dallas. Maybe once I start my job and get back into more of a routine, I'll feel better about living here. Right now I just miss having a built in network of friends my age to hang out with.

I love my church here and I'm not into church hopping. But I miss being around single people my age. I looked online to see if there are other churches in the area that have a young adult singles group. The closest ones are farther away than I would like and the idea of having to go some place where I know no one is not very appealing. But I'm going to try to go anyway seeing how I'm getting nowhere staying at home and complaining.

Throughout the summer there are free outdoor movies and concerts in the Atlanta area. I'd like to go, but not by myself, mainly for safety reasons. So, I figure I'll plan ahead and invite whomever I can think of. I actually know more people here then I realized, and I so I figure if I invite enough, someone is bound to want to go too.

Other plans: 1. Clean my apartment so I can invite people over for food, games, etc.
2. Volunteer somewhere on a consistent basis.

Currently taking suggestions for other ways to make friends/ deepen the friendships I already have

p.s. If I ever start saying how I want to move some place new so I can meet new people, remind me that I really don't.

Hmm.........

2006-06-21T00:07:00.000-04:00

Life is good

2006-05-31T21:29:00.000-04:00

Today was the official last day of work! My summer job fell through at the last minute, but with tax refunds and sign on bonuses, I actually don't need to work this summer to support myself. So, it looks like the next couple of months will be spent visiting family and friends, helping my sister, and sleeping in late.

I also have a great job lined up for the fall, at a school realtively close to where I live. Its with the age group I prefer, I'll be working with 2 other speech therapists, and I get my own room!

I'm defintely looking forward to these next few weeks. This weekend I'll be hanging out at the beach. Next week my mom will be visiting. And in 10 days I'll get to see Thomas :)

The boys

2006-05-19T22:09:00.000-04:00

10 more days and then......?

2006-05-14T22:45:00.000-04:00

The countdown continues to the end of the school year. I'm excited, but a bit nervous as I don't have any firm summer work plans. The status changes almost daily so by the time anyone reads this the siutaion could be better or worse. If I work, it looks like it'll be part time, probably 10 hours both Thursdays and Fridays. Definitely not my ideal schedule, but I'll take what I can get.

As for the fall, still moving along slowly in that direction. I have another interview on Monday for a nearby elementary school. And I'm waiting to hear back from some other places I interviewed at a month ago.

Decisions I've been avoiding making for the past couple of months will need to be made soon. I'm not really worried about making the "wrong" decison, I'm more concerned about letting some people down. When did I become such a people pleaser?

On a side note, I was doing one of those silly online quizzes that asked if you believe in love at first sight. I don't, at least not in the romantic meaning of the phrase. My friend's dad liked to refer to this as "lust at first sight." But I do believe in other kinds of love at first sight. I certainly fell in love with my nephew Nate the moment I laid eyes on him.

The least of these

2006-05-07T20:44:00.000-04:00

Friday evening, while driving to my sister's house, I passed a man holding a cardboard sign and begging on the street. I did nothing. Saturday afternoon I passed the same man. Still I did nothing. Sunday morning, I saw the same man standing in the rain by the side of the road. A police officer had pulled over and was talking to him. I figured the police officer would probably bring him somewhere, but just in case I decided to ask a friend at church if he would come with me to bring the guy some food or see what else we could do. My friend didn't really understand what I was asking and said he'd talk to me after service. I looked around after church but didn't see my friend so I went ahead and left. I went back to where I had seen the homeless guy and he was no longer there.

So, I'm going to start carrying around some bags of food, water, etc in the car to hand out to people like I did in Dallas. But I want to do more. I'm just not sure what. Leaving someone out in the rain to beg seems so callous, but giving them a ride when I'm by myself is dumb and too risky. Or what about when I see someone but I'm not stopped at the light so I just zoom past. There's a part of me that's relieved that I'm off the hook from helping the person or having to avoid eye contact so I don't feel guilty for doing nothing. But am I really off the hook?

I understand that some people could be con artists. I don't want to give anyone money because I don't like the possiblity of it being used for cigarettes, drugs, etc. However, the people I see are still human beings and deserve to be treated with love and dignity.

Jeremy said in church in a while back (and I'm sure he was quoting someone else whose name I couldn't write down quickly enough) that mercy is giving someone what he or she does not deserve, that mercy involves risk and sacrifice. How much am I willing to sacrifice to show God's love and mercy to others?

So I'm looking for suggestions for things to do. I'm looking for people to come along side me and help. Not just in this, but in other situations too. I have a friend who has no family here, who had a baby a month ago, and who needs more help than I am capable of giving on my own. So pray, offer me advice, and help if you can.

Refine Me

2006-04-28T17:18:00.000-04:00

Refine Me by Jennifer Knapp

I come into this place, burning to receive your peace
I come with my own chains, for wars I fought for my own selfish gains

Your my God and my father, I've accepted your son
But my soul feels so empty now, what have I become?

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine me

My heart can't see, when I only look at me
My soul can't hear, when I only think of my own fears.

And they are gone in a moment, your forever the same
Why did I look away from you, how can I speak your name?

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Come rescue this child, cause I long to be reconciled to you

It's all I can do, to give my heart and soul to you
and pray..... and pray..... and I will pray...

Lord...
Come with your fire, burn my desires
Refine me
Lord...
My will has deceived me, please come and free me
Refine me

Refine me... Refine me...

Pictures

2006-04-25T17:27:00.000-04:00

My newest nephew

Holding the baby

Babies!

2006-04-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

For those who don't know, my sister had her baby this past Tuesday night, a healthy little boy named Elijah. My sister said when she came home from the hospital Nate was excited to see his new baby brother and kissed his toes. That was the first and last bit of love he showed Elijah. Now he seems to just ignore him.

Friday night I went out to dinner with some of the girls from church. I'm not really sure if I'm glad I went or not. I wasn't that hungry, I was tired from work, and I didn't really feel like contributing to any of the conversation. One girl was discussing her current major of psychology and talking about all the volunteering she did with the special ed kids in her middle school/high school. She sounded very happy and idealistic. I don't know why this annoyed me so much other than the fact that I was feeling grumpy and some of what she said reminded me of me maybe 4 or 5 years ago. I need an attitude change; I'm too young to be so cynical.

Transitions

2006-04-13T21:05:00.000-04:00

During our discussion Monday night at home group I realized how much I don't like unexpected change. I tend to stress and worry about events way in advance so that by the time they roll around I'm fine. In December 2004 I decided I was going to move to Georgia when I graduated. I spent the next 8 months talking about it and mentally preapring myself so I would be ready when it happened.

The day after I was contemplating my dislike for change, my supervisor called and asked if there was anyway I could rearrange my schedule so I could go to another school serveal days a week. The speech therapist there will be out for the next month recovering from surgery and they need someone to cover her kids. My caselaod is really low, so I was able to make the time, but it meants flipping days I'm at different schools, pulling kids out of different classes, and driving 30-40 minutes between schools. I'm not sure how I will fit in the IEP meetings I need to with no flex time in my schedule.

But, I'm thankful that I have a job. And that the kids I'm taking on are elementary age so at least it'll be moe of what I like.

Oh, and thanks for those who have been praying for my interviews. The one I had on Tuesday went very well and they are passing my name on to the princiapls for further interviewing at specific schools.

I've got a pretty nasty cough that is allergy related and medicine really isn't helping. The nurse at school suggested I see a doctor because I have symptoms of asthma. I don't have time to see a doctor, so I'm not really sure how that's going to work.

So life's stressful but I'm appreciating more the great friends and family that I have and all the little things I take for granted :)

Back to reality

2006-04-09T20:01:00.000-04:00

This past week was wonderful. No work and I got to sleep in and waste my time being unproductive if I wanted to. My nephew loved playing with Thomas and I got to sneak in a couple of pictures of them whcih will make there way here once I get them from my sister. Too bad I didn't get one of Thomas and my nephew dancing ;)

Here's one I took awhile ago of Nate "playing the violin".

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm short.

Taking a break from hiking........

It looks like I picked a good field to go into, at least if I want to work in one of the Atlanta area school districts. I have an interview tomorrow with one and two others that also want to schedule interviews soon. I've got a couple of leads for summer employement as well. I'd like to wait to make a decision about the schools here until I've heard back from Texas, but I'm not sure when that will be. So its still a little stressful with everything uncertain, but this is a nice kind of stressful.

8 more days and Thomas is here!

help?

2006-03-20T16:00:00.000-05:00

So, I don't know if anyone can really help me, but I could use any help anyone could offer. Today at work one of my kids bit me hard enough to break the skin. WHich means I've spent all day dealing with doctors and insurance and my employer. And now I have antibotics to take. And I got absolutely nothing accomplished that I had wanted to.

Meaning I still need to write up some cover letters, finish filling out online applications, mail reference forms for people to fill out, make copies of documents to send to school districts, etc. As well as do my full time job I currently have.

At this point, what I could use help with is the cover letters. I'm brain dead and I can't put coherent thoughts together. I'd really appreciate it if someone could help me with this.

Cornerstone

2006-03-19T22:45:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. Filling out applications makes my eyes cross. Thinking about the future makes my head hurt. Long distance is hard.

When my world is upside down, the one thing I can count is God as my foundation. So I will cling to that.

jobless

2006-03-09T18:02:00.000-05:00

Well, come June I will be unemployed. So I am trying desperately to find a job for the summer months as well as the fall. And praying that somebody will take me on despite the fact that they'll have to do a bunch of extra paperwork/supervision since I won't be comepletely certified. I'm glad my sister was a speech therapist and understands how less likely it will be that someone will want to hire me with my clinical fellowship only partly completed. Cause my dad just thinks its no big deal.

Work stuff isn't going how I had expected or planned, but I figure God's in control and He knows what He's doing more than I do. And I'm hopeful that eventually this will all be resolved.

Knowing i have a week long break coming up in 22 days makes getting through each day a little easier. I'm definitely looking forward to a much needed rest from stress.

Quarter life crisis

2006-03-05T21:59:00.000-05:00

“We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be” C.S. Lewis

I'm beginning to have a better idea of what my deisres are for after I'm out of this work contract, but I'm not sure if they're God's desires. So I'm having to surrender as best I can areas of my life I'd rather hold onto.

I've been perpetually stressed lately and I hate it. It leaves me irritable, weepy, and less effective in most areas of my life. I've been praying for relief from stress, but its only gotten worse. So I pray for the peace and joy that God has promised.

I am looking forward to spring break (4 weeks!) It is a little easier doing my job knowing a break is soon. Plus Thomas is coming :)

My parents are awesome

2006-03-02T19:32:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure why my dad has paint on his nose.

Never Leave

2006-03-01T15:33:00.000-05:00

Work is stressful. I feel overwhelmed and unqualified. I need a hug.

So I left work a little bit early, made a smoothie, and drove around with the windows down while listening to music. And reminded myself that God promises that He will never leave nor forsake me.

In the midst of my darkest hour
You see my tear-stained face
This broken form that no longer
feels power with no apparent place
But even when this world has turned her back on me
When it's cold where it once had burned
When my thoughts are frightening

You will never leave me

When I fail at living and loving, when I fail You Lord
I want things that I know very well I cannot afford
When I feel like I have no purpose, except to live and die
Or all they tell me is that I'm worthless why even try

You will never leave me

I cannot be sure of my love for You
But in the midst of my doubt... You are true

Kendall Payne's "Never Leave"

Happy Mardi Gras!

2006-02-28T19:10:00.000-05:00

My parents were going out to watch the parades today for Mardi Gras. My mom was planning on dressing up as a pirate (but no sword!) and if they took pictures, I'll have to include one here.

There's variations on the story of the tradition of king cakes, but this website has the story closest to what I learned growing up.

My Georgia Love

2006-02-27T22:10:00.000-05:00

Nate and I looking cute.

I got nothing

2006-02-24T00:47:00.000-05:00

Here is where I would put pictures from my time in Dallas if I had actually used my camera. Instead I'll put a favorite quote.

Dave remarking on Kelsey's apartment: "It reminds me of a Sci-Fi cave dwelling."

It was great visiting my friends and hard to say goodbye. But I did get a nice welcome back from my nephew. A big smile and "Laurie! Yea!"

I'll be needing to start looking and applying for jobs soon. So I'd appreciate prayers in that regard.

Didn't you get the memo?

2006-02-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

A couple of days ago I got an e-mail saying that I should only include one month per page on my mileage sheet. So I replied saying I would make sure to do that next time. This morning, in my box at school, I had a note reminding me to only put one month per page for the mileage sheet. As I walked out the door, I recieved another note about......well you get the picture. I actually found this all quite humorous.

Something else that's funny? This comic strip pointed out to me by Aaron. (who I told I would give credit to since he's usually the nameless "friend" in my blog). And it reminded me of another friend who'll remain anonymous for now ;)

A little too ironic

2006-02-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

I was recommending some Lifehouse music to one of my friends as I have been listening to a lot of their songs off of Stanley Climbfall recently. And he made a comment about them bordering on too preachy for him. Found that kinda funny as most of the articles I had been reading about them were Christians lamenting their vague lyrics, refusal to label their music as Christian, and willingness to leave their lyrics up for interpretation.

So here's the lyrics to one of their vaguely "preachy" songs, Anchor.

I stand with a blank expression now
and I can't believe myself
will someone tell me how
did I get here
I am walking
changing slowly
I am chasing
climbing closer

I know that I'll never be alone
you will never let me go
you are my anchor
hold my hand
while I'm sinking in the sand
no one else could understand
you are my anchor

it seems that I lost track of time
and I can't believe my mind
would you save me if
I reached out to you
I'm waiting, watching, standing
I am reaching
climbing closer

can you hear me
hear me
can you hear me

Lifehouse's "Anchor"

Deep enough to dream

2006-02-09T20:36:00.000-05:00

Bebo Norman added a new song to his playlist on his blog (see link on side). The song is "Drifting" and one of my favorites. I've posted part of the lyrics before, so I'll spare you now.

A purist

2006-02-07T17:52:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I saw the new Pride and Prejudice with some kids I was babysitting. They of course loved it since they have never read the book nor seen the A&E adaptation.

What I liked better in the new movie:
1. Jane is actually very pretty, so it makes since when everyone refers to her beauty.
2. Judi Dench as Lady Catherine
3. Better job of showing the passion behind the arguments between Darcy and Elizabeth

What I didn't like in the new movie:
1. No Colin Firth-- still think he's the best Darcy
2. Left out some characters altogether
3. Left out some of my favorite dialogue:

"There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil— a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome."
"And your defect is to hate everybody."
"And yours," he replied with a smile, "is willfully to misunderstand them." (Elizabeth and Darcy)

"You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.......
You could not have made the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it." (Elizabeth to Mr. Darcy)

One of my friends told me that the reason why I like the A&E version so much is because it's 6 hours long so it includes everything in the book. I'm ok with that.

One Big Happy

2006-02-06T17:13:00.000-05:00

Enough said.

Just say "no"

2006-02-06T15:25:00.000-05:00

So you know that you need to quit your job when you get off of work and think to yourself, "I need a cigarette." And you've never smoked in your life. Ah, well, four more months in the schools and then on to home health.

I guess word has gone around at one school I work at that I'm not planning on coming back next year. So people have been telling me how I'm doing a good job, they hope I stay, blah, blah. The flattery is nice, but I'd rather just lose the stressful job and call up my mom if I want to be told how wonderful I am :)

Therefore, if you hear me in the future contemplating returning to these schools next year, remind me of all the reasons to say no.

Netflix suggestions

2006-02-05T22:53:00.000-05:00

I'm looking for some comedies that have minimal to no romance and are not too crude. Anyone have any suggestions?

Love is a verb

2006-01-29T09:36:00.000-05:00

Ever read something and think "Yikes! That's me."?

Last Monday night we talked a bit about what people have done for us that has made us feel loved. Naturally, someone brought up the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (an intersting read, if you've never read it before).

I've been told my "love languages" are quality time and physical touch. But still, it was a little disconcerting to read these articles and see myself in the type of people they described.

More importantly, it was a reminder to try to show love to my friends and family in ways that they would appreciate it the best.

So what is your love language? When do you feel the most loved and appreciated?

My parents are famous!

2006-01-26T19:36:00.000-05:00

Check out my parents being interviewed on this clip from the local New Orleans news station.

http://www.wwltv.com/sharedcontent/VideoPlayer/showVideo.php?vidId=47666&catId=53

kindred spirts

2006-01-22T21:19:00.000-05:00

There's some books or authors I enjoy reading because their words could very well have been my own (though much more elequently said by them). Their struggles, their joys, I can identify with. One of those authors is Phillip Yancey.

Some experts from his book "Reaching for the Invisible God":

"When exuberant, I look on my past writings and am shocked at the sloughs of despond I wallowed in; when depressed, I am shocked at the bright faith I used to have."

"So how do I act as if your alive? How do the cells of my body, the same ones that sweat and urinate and get depressed and toss and turn in bed at night --how do these cells carry around the splendor of the God of the universe in a way that leaks out for others to notice? How do I love even one person with the love you came to bring?"

2006-01-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

I can definitely identify with Paul on this one........

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
Romans 7:14-19

A friend played this on the guitar for me the other day. Perhaps my favorite Jars of Clay song:

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away

take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
"World's Apart"

Having your world taken apart hurts.

Isaiah on my mind

2006-01-19T16:28:00.000-05:00

I've been reading through Isaiah recently. So it caught my eye when I read an old Switchfoot interview where Jon Forman talks about reading Isaiah 40 before singing "Let that Be Enough" at one of his concerts. And then I go to church last night and a woman I've never met comes and shares Isaiah 61:1-3 with me. And then another woman read from a different part of Isaiah (don't remember where)last night as well.

And the first verse I ever memorized is in Isaiah. "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on the wings of eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Issiah 40:31

Here's the link to the Switchfoot interview: www.crosswalk.com/540294.html

And the words to the song that is often my prayer:

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so hopeless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sandcastles
Spend their time collapsing......

.....And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Switchfoot's "Let that Be Enough"

lessons

2006-01-18T11:56:00.000-05:00

Things I've been learning (or at least being taught)

1. Caring for people may leave you hurt.
2. Doing the right thing sometimes hurts.
3. I hate cliches.
4. Walking by faith is hard.
5. I'm not very good at patience.
6. I'm not very good at hiding how I'm feeling.
7. Surrendering my dreams is hard.
8. God's more concerned with my soul then my happiness.
9. Developing character hurts.
10. I have wonderful friends who make me feel loved.

"I knew the times would come and now the times have landed
With stinging abrasion
As ready as I seem to be
It's never like I planned it, yeah

I'm wrestling my thoughts, I'm overcome
Would you give me up I'm asking Lord
There's no where I sense Your presence here
So I will cry out, until I go

From protest to praise
You're always amazing me
You're changing me slow, but surely
And You're gonna see me to the end

How long will I be forgotten by You forever
You're not making sense here
Seems like eternity has made a home between us, yeah

You're changing me slow
I just can't help but see it that way
Cuz You're gonna see me to the end"

Downhere's "From Protest to Praise"

music, friendationships, and Texas will you marry me?

2006-01-05T21:47:00.000-05:00

I reccomend you check out this website: http://www.taraleighcobble.com

Good lyrics. Good music.

That's not reason enough? Check out the message boards there......specifically the one about friendatshionships and Texas will you marry me?

Tara Leigh Cobbler will be playing in Georgia in a few weeks. I'm hoping I can talk someone into going with me (hint, hint).

Feeling better

2006-01-03T20:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks Allison, Dave, Tran, Kent, and Thomas. I'm feeling a lot better and appreciate you guys showing your love. I'm so glad God doesn't call us to walk this life alone, but with a body of believers by our side.

Rising from the ashes
Lifted from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams

Bebo Norman "Drifting" (full lyrics here)

Borrow Mine

2006-01-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

For Thomas and Tran, who let me borrow their faith when mine is gone (listen to the song Borrow Mine)

Take my hand
And walk with me awhile
Because it seems your smile
Has left you

And don't give in
When you fall apart
And your broken heart
Has failed you

I'll set a light up
On a hilltop
To show you my love
For this world to see

You can borrow mine
When your hope is gone
Borrow mine
When you can't go on
Cause the world will not defeat you
When we're side by side
When your faith is hard to find
You can borrow mine

And take my love
When all that you can see
Is the raging sea
All around us

And don't give up
Cause I'm not letting go
And the God we know
Will not fail us

We'll lay it all down
As we call out
Sweet Savior
Help our unbelief

When you are weak
Unable to speak
You are not alone
The God who has saved us
Will never forsake us
He's coming to take us
Take us to our home

Take my hand
Take my love
Don't give in, no
And don't give up

Bebo Norman "Borrow Mine"

Bless the broken road

2005-12-29T19:50:00.000-05:00

Despite the recent wet apartment adventures, my mood has been good. I've had a wonderful time playing with my nephew, and visiting with all my family. I've taken advantage of my free time to practice some songs on my keyboard (without Thomas's help!), reread parts of my some of my favorite books, write more consistently in my journal, and make lots of soup and cookies.

Reading through past journal entries, looking at pictures on Micheal Hamblin's website, and just talking to people have brought back some bittersweet memories. It's been hard thinking about friendships that failed, relationships that ended, and innocence that has been lost. It's been hard realizing that just as others have hurt me, I have hurt others as well.

It's part of the "Beautiful Letdown" that switchfoot talks about in their song. It's realizing that this world, that people in this world, are gonna let me down. It's a letdown, but it's beautiful because it reminds me that indeed I don't belong here. And it leads me right into the arms of God.

Which brings me to today. I was in a music store when they played the Rascal Flatt's song "Bless the Broken Road". I've heard the song many times before, but today it made me cry. The writer is talking about earthly love, and I certainly hope that someday the words will be true to my life. But for now, the song is another reminder of how God has used my brokenheart to draw me closer to Him.

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

It's raining in my apartment! or how I spent my Christmas vacation

2005-12-27T21:07:00.000-05:00

This past Friday I dragged myself out of bed at 7am to use the bathroom. Instead, I found water pouring out of my bathroom vent. The next 2 hours were spent frantically finding pots and pans and other containers to try to catch the water that was beginning to drip out of the ceiling in every room, and every few minutes dumping out the trash can filled with water from the bathrrom vent. After a call to my sister, my brother in law brought over towels and buckets on his way to work. My sister, with my nephew in tow, came by after that. Eventually, maintenance came by to tear up carpet and bring a humidifier and some blowers to take out the water. Turns out the rain in my apartement was a result of a frozen water pipe that had burst. When my neightbor on the third floor turned on the water for his shower Friday morning, the pipe burst flooding his bathroom, the second floor apartment below, and my first floor apartment.

Thankfully, my belongings seem to have escaped relatively unharmed. I moved furniture and electronic stuff as quickly as possible to keep them from harms way. Since then, I've been spending the night at my sister's sleeping on her couch. While I was there, I made the mistake of using the bath soap that was in there. Apparently I'm allergic to it because I broke out into a rash the next day.Two showers later, using my own soap, I finally got over it.

I am back in my apartment now that all the stuff I had thrown on my bed to rescue from the water has been put back. I am still waiting for the carpet people to come back so I can move my furniture back and they can take the blowers and humidifier that are currently occupying a lot of the unharmed carpet.

Oh yeah, in between all of this we celebrated Christmas and I spent time with my visiting family.

And I thought I was a cynic.............

2005-12-19T02:05:00.000-05:00

http://www.advisorteam.org/the_four-temperaments/temp_idealist.html

"All Idealists™ (NFs) share the following core characteristics:

Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds."

What are you?

Thankful

2005-12-17T17:51:00.000-05:00

I've been reading through some of my old journals and I ran across this that I wrote a few years ago. It still rings true.

When I am brokenhearted I will be thankful that I experienced love with such deepness
When I don’t want to get out of bed I will be thankful that I have a bed and roof over my head.
When I feel shame for my sin I will be thankful that God forgives me.
When I feel shame for committing the same sin again I will be thankful that God’s mercy never ends.
When I feel like God doesn’t care or hear me I will be thankful that what I feel doesn’t change the truth.
When my family drives me crazy I will be thankful that I have a family.
When tears pour from my eyes I will be thankful that I have a better understanding of joy.

When I lost my first love I was brokenhearted. I let my guard down, gave my heart to another, and it came back shattered. There was no one else to turn to but God, for He too has known the pain of a brokenheart. He gave his heart to the world and the world killed him, rejecting his love. Yes, he was a man of sorrows. When I give my pain to Him, allow Him to heal my heart and be the first love in my life, he joins in my suffering. He weeps with me and cries out at the injustices in this fallen world.

And then something miraculous happens; something I still don’t fully understand. Somewhere, sometime in the midst of my sorrow, where there was once only darkness and despair, light and hope creep through. There still may be much sorrow. The light and hope may not last very long, but still they are there, reminding me that God is faithful and giving me the will to go on. Someday when I am but ashes to this world I will live fully in the light and no longer need even the hope. For who hopes for what he already has? I will rejoice for eternity with my brothers and sisters in Christ. And I pray every day that you will be there with me.

Letting Go

2005-12-12T16:57:00.000-05:00

Last week and this weekend ended up being filled with joy. It was a nice rest from the week before. Managed to get caught up at work, played with my nephew, had dinner at my sister's, slept in late Saturday, enjoyed Christams show, and saw Narnia.

Then Sunday night I found myself struggling with an acute case of loneliness. It struck me suddenly and scared me with its intensity. I recited scripture and cried out to God, but all I heard was the echo of my own voice. Talking to family/friends only left me feeling more broken inside. And in this brokeness I found myself once again having to surrender my fear, desires, and pain over to God. And eventually the loneliness lessened and joy returned.

When I was talking to one of my friends on the phone, he was asking how do you surrender your dreams to God, how do you let go? My answer: Usually kicking and screaming. I either get to the point where I tell God I want to surrender, but I can't do it on my own so I need His help. Or, I resist surrendering until I'm broken inside, and then I finally am willing to let go.

Looks like God wanted to drive that point home to me last night.

This song also helps me........

Gripping on so tight
with the security I have inside
Knowing what is right
holding onto my pride

Letting go.........of the things I hold so dear
Letting go........ of all my pain and all my fears
Letting go........ of the things I hold so dear
Letting go........ of all my pain and all my fears

I have been brought to a place
Where I want to give up everything
Where all I can do is seek your face
And my brokenness I will bring

Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on even though my faith has been built so long
Holding on to the things I deem so strong
Holding on to what I know

I'm letting go

"Letting Go" by Jeremy Camp

All in a day's work

2005-12-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

Here's the only problem about writing kinda downer posts...no one comments cause no one knows what to say. Then you feel like you're talking to yourself which doesn't really help matters.

Work yesterday: Went to work early to do some stuff I had been putting off. Then had a 2.5 hour IEP meeting with parent, special ed teacher, OT, psychiatrist, etc. Usually they last an hour, but this kid has a lot of issues. Because the IEP meeting took so long that meant I had to rush to the other school so I wouldn't be late for therapy. I finally got a new printer cartridge, but when I went to install it, I broke off a piece on the side of it by accident, so I spent 45 minutes trying to get it to work. Oh yeah, I also went to use the teachers bathroom , but it was backed up so I had to find a janator. Saw some more kids for therapy. One therapy session ended with one kid under the table kicking his legs and saying "I want computer." The other kid was rocking wildly in his chair and fidling with his belt. When I went to get my high schoolers for therapy, the other students made suggestive comments at me. After I finished seeing kids, I ended up staying late to work on paperwork for another IEP meeting today, then I realized that I couldn't print anything.

So, the day wasn't great. After the first IEP meeting I wanted to cry. But on the ride to my next school, I just repeated what I had read the night before. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2Corinthians12:9)

I asked God to give me the strength to get through the day, and he did. On the way home from work I decided to listen to the radio. I had been boycotting it because the station I usually listen to has been playing Christmas music, and there's only so much of that I can take. But they played "Blessed Be Your Name" and I was reminded that we are called to praise God no matter what our circumstances. As one line says "though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name."

After work was good. Went to my sisters for a bit and played with my nephew. Had dinner and bible study and had a fun time laughing and talking with people there. I wish those times would last and sustain to the next day. Cause waking up this morning was such a struggle, and despite time in prayer and scripture, I'm finding this bad mood hard to shake. But still I will try to praise my God and wait on him to lift me up.

Overwhelmed

2005-12-04T22:13:00.000-05:00

Here's something I wrote two years ago. It fairly accurately describes how I've been feeling the past week/weekend. It wasn't until today that I finally started to believe the last two stanzas.

The world overwhelms me
As I lie here in my bed.
As I think of all that I should do,
Swirling thoughts fill my head.

I have no will to go on,
No drive to do what's right.
Tears of despair run down
I pray for God to end my life.

Seconds slowly slide by,
Sorrow eats my heart.
Peace is but a memory
Once your life falls apart.

I cry out in frustration
I weep in despair
I whimper in submission
To a God I know still cares

Yes, He loves every child
And He hears every plea.
Even when I can't love Him
He never stops loving me.

No I can't escape his love
In darkness, He's still there
I'm never alone, never abandoned
By a God I know still cares

Working Man Hands

2005-11-28T17:47:00.000-05:00

I want this to be my desire.....working man (or women, for the politically correct) hands

I guess silence is not an option at this stage
I've been comfortable too long now, turn the page
I see shadows all around me
But to me it's proof of Your light

Show yourself to me, so I can show you to them
Give me what it takes to let me go...
There's a world out there that's dyin'

Father please forgive them
For they know not what they do
Father won't You show me how
To have working man hands...

You said if you love me you'll obey me, I've wondered why
You gave Your life for those around me, so should I
God forbid that I should stand before You
On that day, with unblemished hands

Show yourself to me, so I can show you to them
Give me what it takes to let me go...
There's a world out there that's dyin'

Father please forgive them
For they know not what they do
Father won't You show me how
To have working man hands...

Working Man Hands By Jonah 33

?

2005-11-28T17:01:00.000-05:00

People often ask me how I like work and I never really know what to say. You'd think that would be an easy question to answer, but my feelings about it change so dramatically that I can't ever decide how I really feel about it. It stresses me out, the kids have poor behavior and seem to be making little to no progress, I always have a mountain of paperwork to do and meetings to schedule, and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with the kids. So I find myself feeling like I am just wasting everyone's time seeing these kids. Some of these kids are never going to get better and the others I feel like my therpay is lacking and they would need someone who knows more or is better to help them. My middle schoolers and high schoolers with attitude problems annoy me, and they're not like my preschoolers who even if they are annoying are at least cute. And then there's the hair pulling, biting, hitting, kicking, etc. that I have to worry about with my kids with autism and severe emotional and behavior disorders.

But then sometimes when I think about my job, I feel like I can really see how this is doing God's work. I'm working with some of the kids that no one else wants to work with, that can give me nothing in return. It really feels like a ministry to these kids and their parents, showing God's love to them. And I find myself growing attached and loving the ones that you'd think would be unloveable, through no other means but God's grace.

I've gotten compliments from parents and teachers saying I am doing a good job. But on days like today when every therapy activity falls flat and I feel like I'm b.s.ing my way through everything, I question my competency.

So, the verdict is still out.

How cute

2005-11-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

Trick or treating with my nephew and the neighbors. The train conductor is my nephew, fireman is Justin, and race car driver is Michael.

Revision

2005-10-28T15:36:00.000-04:00

So, apparently it was the movie Predator I watched on TV with Thomas, not Alien vs Predator. Oh well, its all the same to me. Which just proves who's the bigger nerd. I never owned a Star Trek uniform or a tricorder.

Also, does anyone else find it odd that the spell check on blogspot doesn't recognize the word "blog"? Who creates this stuff?

Oh, and my blog is only pink because it annoys someone who is just too much fun not to annoy.

Aliens

2005-10-27T11:33:00.000-04:00

Who knew that spending an afternoon with Thomas watching Alien vs. Predator would help me with speech therapy. I have a seventh grader who is deaf and can only read at a first grade level. His sign language isn't that great and you can't understand any of his speech. So we're working on his reading and writing skills as well as learning new signs and saying some words better. I found out he was interetsed in aliens and i figured, hey so am I. But its not aliens in general he likes. Its the movie Aliens vs. Prdeator and evrything that has to do with it. He has the movie, the PS2 game, and some figurines. Thankfully I had a basic idea of the movie so I knew what he was trying to tell me. I'm gonna write a story telling the basic plot and have him practice his reading, speech, and sign with that. So, thanks Thomas for being such a nerd ;)

And there was great rejoicing.......yay

2005-10-26T15:25:00.000-04:00

Someone asked me the other day what cheers me up. Well, for one thing, writing lists does, so here we go:

1. Hugs
2. Chocolate
3. Phone calls
4. Visits from friends (John's coming this weekend and Robert the next time he goes to Texas)
5. Playing with little kids (especially my nephew)
6. Smiles
7. Ice cream
8. Pride and Predjudice ;)
9. Comedies
10. Bargain shopping (ugh, i'm such a girl)
11. Psalms
12. Music
12. Singing
13. Compliments
14. Mudslides (chocoalte, ice cream, and alcohol....what's not to like)
15. Coke
16. Smoothies
17. Naps
18. Good books

I think i must be hungry, i keep on thinking of more food items to put on the list.

Life's been beating me down.....so please pray for me.

Deja vu

2005-09-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

Greetings from Georgia

2005-09-12T15:53:00.000-04:00

First, for any friends who read my blog but I haven't talked to yet.........all my family is safe from the hurricane. And miraculously our house survived with only flooding in the garage and a broken window. My parents want to go back home as soon as they can since my dad has a job working at the Corps of Engineers. Not sure what my mom will do since the school she was a librarian at had some damage and is closed at least until January.

Since moving to Georgia, I've rediscovered my love for John Mayer's music. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that when he was 20 something he moved away from his home town and all his friends to Atlanta, Georgia. I think his song "Why Georgia" expresses my sentiments for the moment.

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
I'm just stuck inside the gloom

4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive
And leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with
Wood in places to make it feel like home
But all I feel's alone

It might be a quarter-life crisis
Or just the stirring in my soul
Either way

I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

So what so I've got a smile on
It's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head

Don't believe me
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger
But that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's a price I have to pay
Still everything happens for a reason
Is no reason not to ask myself
If I'm living it right

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?

"Why Georgia" by John Mayer

Mariposa

2005-08-04T22:08:00.000-04:00

Why mariposa? Mariposa is the Spanish word for butterfly. It reminds me that as a Christian, I am a new creation. My sins are forgiven and Christ dwells in me.

"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new is here." 2 Corinthians5:17

Find Me In The River

2005-07-31T23:36:00.000-04:00

They sang this at church today and it was beautiful.

"Find Me In The River" by Delirious

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We've longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you're gone and I'm cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I'm waiting here

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I've walked against the water
Now I'm waiting if you please

We didn't count on suffering
We didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait

I do like Irish accents......

2005-07-31T16:07:00.000-04:00

You're Ireland!

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this
makes you intriguing. You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as
worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice. You're good
with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato.
You really don't like snakes.
Take the Country Quiz at
the Blue Pyramid

Crazy

2005-07-30T01:05:00.000-04:00

God has answered "no" over and over about a certain prayer, and yet I still find myself over two years later looking for a loophole. Then God crushes those fantasies. It hurts, but it keeps me grounded. I wish things could be different, but in the meantime I will be thankful that this world is not all there is.

These lyrics are from Mercy Me's "Crazy".

Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end..
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man..
Isn’t that crazy

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen..
How can I learn your way is better
In everything I’m taught to be..
Isn’t that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who's calling out to me..
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

And if I boast let me boast
Of filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory
In my Savior's suffering
Isn’t that crazy

And as I live this daily life
I trust You for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn’t that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world my think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

My obsession

2005-07-24T12:09:00.000-04:00

So I tend to become obsessed with things rather easily. Eventually I move on and obsess about something else.

Past obsessions (some may argue some of these are still current):
- Music: Switchfoot, Skillet, Jonah 33, Casting Crowns, Downhere, Kendal Payne, Jennifer Knapp, Caedmon's call, U2 (I don't care that you don't like them Aaron, these are my obsessions), REM
Books: Jane Austen (and Daniel, I am too Elizabeth, so there), Tolkien, Tom Clancy, Phillip Yancey
T.V. shows/movies: X-files, Smallville, E.R., Malcolm in the Middle, Simspons, King of the Hill, Twighlight Zone, Star Wars

Current obsession is Jeremy Camp (music) and Harry Potter (book/movie)

I have been spending a lot of time here lately: www.mugglenet.com
Pretty awesome website

And now, on a more serious note, a song by Skillet that talks about obsessions

You’re my only infatuation
Don’t leave me stranded
In my obsession
My purpose, my possession
Live and die in my obsession
My obsession

Come down to me
Don’t ever say that it’s over
I kiss your feet
Worship the air you breathe
Your love, my gift
You go and I will follow
My dream, my wish
Don’t leave me here so helpless

I thirst no longer
Drenching my soul
Pour out like water

You’re my only infatuation
Don’t leave me stranded
In my obsession
My purpose, my possession
Live and die in my obsession
My obsession

Am I a lunatic?
I’m going crazy
For just a word from
For just a touch from you

And I’m exploding like chemicals
I’m going crazy, can’t get enough

I thirst no longer
I thirst, yeah
Drenching my soul
Drenching, oh

I thirst no longer
Drenching my soul
Pour out like water

You’re my only infatuation
Don’t leave me stranded
In my obsession
My purpose, my possession
Live and die in my obsession
Oh, oh, oh, my obsession
Oh, oh, oh, my obsession
My obsession

This is my prayer, that God will be my obsession.

One month

2005-07-21T00:20:00.000-04:00

Warning: This post written during sleep deprivation. May not make sense to the average reader.

Two posts in one day! That's what happens when you have a paper and final to study for. Tomorrow at this time I'll be finished with school and the next week I'll be done at the hospital. And one month from now I'll be on my way to Georgia! Change like this is exciting and nerve racking. Keeps me on my knees praying.

If any of my friends in Dallas are reading this, know that I'll miss ya'll dearly. The stuff I wanna say to some of you is too personal to post for everyone so i'll just leave it at that for now.

I need sleep. And to write that paper.............

I'm a geek!

2005-07-20T17:02:00.000-04:00

The Simple Geek
You answered 71% of the questions as a geek truly would.

You don't seem to sway in either direction, however you still seem to have some latent geek attributes within you. Maybe you're interested in computers but not a gamer? Maybe you've got geek hobbies but none of the awkward social tendencies. You may be slightly geekier than you thought and in denial!

The simple geek usually has various quirks that friends may make fun of, but in general can be considered a fairly normal person. Your geek attributes make you less likely to conform to society. The popular kids don't hate you but the geeks don't either, so it's a respectable demographic.

In a nutshell, you answered enough questions with geek tendencies and enough questions without geek tendencies that it's difficult to pinpoint your exact alignment.

testid=750711297364726891'>The True Geek Test written by ambientred on Ok Cupid

Can't Lose You

2005-07-02T17:21:00.000-04:00

So you're gone but I know you're not so far away
You're a call on the phone or a ride on a plane
But that just isn't the same, yeah well
That's ok because I was never home anyway
So now everyone's evolving and I am just the same
As I was ten years ago, but I don't know
Maybe a simple life is more the way to go
Yeah, but then again, I’m mostly all alone

Cause I'm losing everyone
But I know I can't lose You
And maybe my time will come
But I know I can't lose You

Cause the older I get
Well the more that life isn't making sense
And it's similar to traffic or being president
Cause I’m not the one in control
You grab a hold
I'm just a hammer helping to nail the future down
But it's getting hard making my friends leave town

But maybe I missed the nose right on my face
For what's just past it
And maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of
Funny how nobody wants it
Caedmon's Call "Can't Lose You"

Been thinking about this song as i say goodby to yet another good friend. And i like the last part of the song too. The "gift that everyone speaks so highly of".......he's talking about singleness. "Funny how nobody wants it."

Star Wars Episode III: the backstroke of the west

2005-06-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

We'll add this to funny stuff on the web

http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

2005-06-17T13:56:00.000-04:00

A beautiful poem that I couldn't agree with more...........

Love's Philosophy
The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things, by a law divine,
In one another's being mingle--
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high Heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea -
What are all these kissings worth
If thou kiss not me?

by Percy Shelley

Robo roach

2005-06-15T23:34:00.000-04:00

So this is what Canadians do..........

http://www.mindfully.org/Technology/2005/Robot-Roaches7jun05.htm

My kinda guy

2005-06-14T00:57:00.000-04:00

These lyrics pretty much say it for me:

Baby put on your white t-shirt
All thin and worn and perfect
Grab your jeans and sandals
Lets make the weather worth it
Hike down to the river,
Grab the rope, and swing right in

My smiling love
My rugged warrior
You own this heart
I'll keep it for you
My smiling heart
My rugged warrior

God, You stun my senses
I wanna drink it all
Appalachia to Montana
I hear Your creation call
Head down to the river
And throw myself right in

I love everything wild
Give me life untamed
You're the picture of adventure
And You're calling my name

"White Shirt" by Tara Leigh Cobble

the fat one

2005-06-12T01:28:00.000-04:00

the fat one
Originally uploaded by mariposa99.

The emotionally needy cat that sheds like crazy.

the skinny one

2005-06-12T01:22:00.000-04:00

the skinny one
Originally uploaded by mariposa99.

The neurotic cat i'm watching for the summer

The real reason I'm going to Georgia.........

2005-06-10T15:36:00.000-04:00

nate
Originally uploaded by mariposa99.

You think the pet rock was a really great idea?

2005-06-09T01:35:00.000-04:00

My friend and I were talking earlier about how we wish we had cool ideas for websites. Unfortunately all we could think of was stuff that's already been done. Here's some of those sites for you're viewing pleasure. Let me know if you can think of others.

http://www.peepresearch.org/

http://darthside.blogspot.com/

http://www.chefelf.com/starwars/ep4se.php

I'm tired, so that'll be it for today.

Loser

2005-06-07T18:01:00.000-04:00

In keeping with the theme of selling out, here we go:

Only the losers win
They've got nothing to prove
They'll leave the world with nothing to lose
You can laugh at the weirdos now
Wait till wrongs are right
They'll be the ones with nothing to hide

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all

I've been the burnout kid
I've been the idiot
I'll turn the other cheek to be hit
You can take what you want from me
Empty me till I'm depleted
I'll be around if I'm ever needed

I wrote this song for you
To show how I'm selling out
I'll take the benefit of a doubt

That's some old school Switchfoot for ya from Learning to Breathe album

And corresponding scripture for those a bit rusty:

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" Matthew 16:24-26

Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? James 2:5

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also."
Matthew 5:38-39

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.
1 Corinthians 1:27-29

Sellout

2005-05-23T22:45:00.000-04:00

So I decided to jump on the bandwagon and join the blogging world. What exciting things do you have to look forward to? Photos, song lyrics, poetry, and rantings. Don't say I didn't warn you.